u know wat they say about creativity....here are some of the newest inventions. signing off yours truely

a solar powered torch light
a dual pedal dynamo operated wheel chair
glow in the dark sunglasses
water proof teabag

settle down.. woah keep hearing this phrase these few days.... the faster u settle down, the more work can be done.... well always thought it refers to getting married... hmmm did some reflection of my life juz the day before .. and i realise woah.. wat a hip hop jc life i have.... its really cool... esp during yr one, considering i will be mugging on mon-fri and sat and sun would be play all the way.... i love the time when u go drinking when u are underage and do night cycling middle of the night... hahaahhha miss those times... yr 2... yah its more of the serious stuff... not really though, during sars break got to be closer to 3 babes... and haaa had lots of fun at ivor's house... macham like our 2nd home. and those runs we do.. wah miss it so much... well life now is getting more and more on the road.. i realise sth very impt, if u don't like wat u do, u will never do well in it.....after some pep talk by gohfish and self encouragement... yeah my life is on the road again.. study and more study.... juz saw jia hui the other day... haaa realise how much we both have changed or how much i have changed... realise how much time i wasted during sec sch days... when u go irc and juz talk cock... so lame... then talk nonsense on the ph for so many hours.... well now... it juz kill me to stay up till 11+ at night talking rubbish... well thats wat my present choir does.. well diff frequency lah ahhh... still can't get over the fact jia hui is attached.. hhhaha anyway juz wish her all the bez...
time pass fast.. now is already end of may coming june... concert went smoothly.. kinda surprised i had audience... didn't even sell any tix to track members cos they will prob slp during the concert or the money can be used for our next trip of kenny rogers... but kinda surprised and shiok feeling when ppl actually shouted my name when on stage... came in form of steven i love u.. steven don't act cute.. hahaha.... really this concert is sth to remember for many occasions... well for starters.. got a new nike shirt which looks so similar to the old one... then my performance at vch is gonna be the last one i ever gonna have there... it feels good when the choir does a good job and u feel u have done your job as the president... yeah think thats bout all
welll think gonna end here... need to do sit ups now...

well here i am again. juz talked to andrew over the phone. well kinda glad to receive a call from him :) but of course, kinda feel sorry for the things he is going through. well perhaps wat he is upset over is wat sane teenagers of our age are going through.. things like love, friendship, responsiblities... and choices... well perhaps that show the term we are spoiled for choices come about... some times when we have too much to chose from, it becomes a headache. and this kind of thing kinda is like a perpetual motion don't u think. well feeling apperciated for the things u do.. well its hard to come by though even though its so easy to be done. sometimes juz a simple thank you will have made the day... but it never comes. in the end wat comes to your ears are those which u wish it never come... like u are incapable, we are not close to you, sorry" things like that. well i have tried pleasing ppl all my life... sometimes really kinda regret it... i look back then, and ponder over why i regret... i realise its cos i'm doing it outside my comfort zone and more importantly, me not enjoying wat i'm doing. kinda ask myself this question again recently for the choices i gonna make, then i realise one thing, well it seems selfish, but then at the end of wat u do, the only thing which moves u on is when u benefit from it all. it kinda make sense, there are many approaces available, but the bez one is usually the one u juz feel u wanna take., it might cos u are that kind who likes to see ppl happy. so of course u don't mind going all out to pls that someone, u can also feel that u want to benefit as well, so u manipulate the situation in a way that u benefit from it as well. soneone juz told me today u can't pls everyone, do wat u feel is right or rather, follow your heart. don't do it cos someone ask u to.. cos at the end of it, whr is your goal? i think its goals in our lives which make us move. without goals and going juz whr we are going, someone can push us so hard, we move only one step, but having goal in mind, a person will sprint cos he sees a light at the end of it all. well i always believe u need many goals, defering from size to size, it helps u to see the bigger picture at the end of it all. a choir cannot move far if they don't a common goal, if a soccer player juz play for the sake of playing, he can never perform to his max with the rest of his teammates who wants the glory.so professor ong's advice of today is to follow your heart, don't mind wat ppl say do wat u feel is right, if u know u have tried your bez, it hink u shd be proud of wat u have achieved already.

something cool i juz pick up from the net... hahahah


You are Professor X!

You are a very effective teacher, and you are very
committed to those who learn from you. You put
your all into everything you do, to some extent
because you fear failure more than anything
else. You are always seeking self-improvement,
even in areas where there is nothing you can do
to improve.


Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

today was fun.. went dragon boating in the morning.. power is the word man.. roll roll and roll... and then nth can defeat the cheers of excultant and all when we won other boats in freindly competitions. the hi five and all... and all the shoutings and poulling. the feeling of buring throat and saggy eyes are all worth it.wed here we come... we gonna comb our way through the waves. well spend the afternoon at the airport.. well cos hui li have test tmr.. kinda glad was some help to her in the limited knowledge of chem i have hee.. which reminds me haven't wish her good luck. well then told ivor i gonna get GP tuition.. and he gave me that stupid look i know he was gonna give. i kinda bluff and said that well cos mom was unhappy with grades which was of course bot true.. since when my loving mama make decisions for me... then was stunned by his ans," then your mom ask u to jump, u jump ahh?' well never expected such a no sense ans to come from him.. weird... but then again... we never see a 100% image of a person don;t u think so??? everyone can change or have a side we never see before. well kinda thought about it along the way back.. on why i wanna get back to tuition and such... well kinda think i really need it. need someone to prob my mind.. well not someone to teach me how to memorise of course.. i mean go is free for all... juz that need soimeone to prob my mind educate me on stuff which are more than makes the eye.. well i know mrs micheal was good at that... but then the tuition class wasn't receptive to it so oh well i wish the new mrs ping is good. thinking back... my gp class kinda suck i will say its more like a sec2 english clas.. oh well wat do u expect from a neighbourhood jc whr everyone thinks memorising is the way to success. wanted to change gp class... went to beg my good friend mdm aslindar to accept me in my clas... but then she was saying..." come on mrs lee likes u, u are her favourite student... besides... wanting to go to my class will lead to the head questioning mrs lee's teaching.... so erm... to make things less complicated for everyone..." ok fullstop i got the idea.. well i was so mad tat day.. i swear i could burn the college down. oh yes a teacher's ricebowl for my future.. i'm gonna be santa claus when i grow up huh. so i still attend her classes with all those bengs and lians... gonna endure for a yr... haiz. well kinda feel glad bout sth today.. kinda feel i have changed a lot the last few mths... have learned to tolerate and make every circumstances to an advantage in one way or another. well when i was taking the train back with dap... she was talking bout the cath high guy from track... and the usual me lah... juz ruttle on... but then it was all good points... well perhaps cos i finally see from hi point of light.. there are ppl like him... saying things he doesn't meant to say... isn;t the usual me hahha yah think of it infront of those three sweet angels... i have never complain bout anything before... hahhaha well at least happy i still am high in demand hahaha... dap was telling me on how guy i was and that i shd not be afraid of being weird cos i'm really wat gals will want only that its cos its plain old me not going round making friends with gals. well think of it, yeah sometimes it really suck when u see your friends going out with the other half... some breaking then getting crush here and there and then get attached.. sometimes i really wonder how they do it.. and me.... at age of 18... only have one 2 weeks relationship... but then was a good exp... i mean through her really found out wat i really want in life. well yah i mean ok sorry for being so big headed...but then wanna note it down now or will forget again.well for this yr alone.... kinda know i kinda attract a lot of attention from gals... even yest was followed to interchange by this grp of gals... who thought i couldn't listen with the earph stuck in my ear... was funny and really muz thank them for giving me a swell head which is so good to sleep on. yah then 1st three mth... there were gals who tried getting close but then perhaps i wasn't ready to commit or expectations too high?? oh well but think of it... the feeling of love still isn't there haven't had it for the past yr.. well i kinda think of audrey sometimes even though i can;'t explain why.. well i juz like to see her smile and sweet actions u know... but then i can only admire far away. well i'm glad i have my life back in control...kinda lost it for a while... well today is a day to remember for many reasons yeah....think of it..everday have always been a diff and encouraging one for me.. well think this shd be the way to live life. well it maybe juz a simple 2.4 km race, 800m reps trainings... catching up with friends or singing the day away... juz feel u juz need to enjoy wat u do..well wish the gal who will take me off my leg one day will feel this way too... well my expectation of gals isn't high.. juz won't like those who follow the crowd, talk about sweet nth and never work hard for anything in their lives but juz love talking the day awaya and complain bout sch all day.. well but of course there are guys who like gals like that... well my ideal girlfriend: she may not have the most magnificant legs or most beautiful smile, juz feel the way she perceive things and how she lives life gives the edge over the rest

well suddenly after reading this story ... i kinda think, woah i really wrote it?? kinda unbelievable. well yeah to think of it... kinda fell yah i shd forgive but not forget. well i can treat ppl's oppinion in 2 perspective, one is to hate the person who pass the comment forever, take his comment as a challenge which gives me a stronger will power. well thinking of it... i kinda did it very well.. when nelson finally allowed me to go china, i told myself since i'm going, i needa do better than the bez... and when jh say running is s waste of time, it gave me stronger reason to run 800m and win back a medal. a phrase i remembered in mvp... since u are going, make sure u bring back the championship. well some ppl play for the passion in the sport, some are hidden talents by nature.. some no matter how much they train, are still a long way there. i think i belong to the later but that is not gonna stop me from trying.

kinda think the quote which fit my entry:
The winners in life think constantly in terms of I can, I will, and I am. Losers, on the other hand, concentrate their waking thoughts on what they should have or would have done, or what they can't do

penned on yr 2002...
hmm yeah i understand the feeling. when faith is lost, u suddenly feel like your world is bleak and insecure. i use to believe in god too..then for a period of time i hate him and now i'm indifferent and seeking enlightenment, care to hear my story from young i was the kind who prays to god all the time, usually studies wasn't a problem and whenever i do well i always feel that its cos there was god to help me. then last yr was the most devastating yr. like how u feel now, i was thinking wat will happen if i end up in a lousy college then furthermore there was pressure from syf.. then prob with friends...then jia hui to tell u the truth i thought will make things better..but i realise deep down that i was using her to escape from my pain....then the choir wasn't doing well back then, was having rith with comm members and mt sc wasn't very involved cos he had a lot of monitor council stuff to do... so it became more of a one man show. my studies were obviously neglected and started to drift away from friends cos didn't have time time for them..ttill then i pray everyday that everything will be alright. i even include nelson in my prayer that he will not blow up and drop the choir...then syf finals that day i was devastated, we lost and i suddenly feel as if everything is gone...prob did not end there, started to have seniors talking bout me say its the comm at fault blah blah blah, to make matters worse prelims were drawing near...so many prob cramming at the same time i suddenly feel whr the hell is god when i need him.then u know i broke up with jh ..but then my life was still over the edge, i started to feel as if i have ruin my life as if there is no whr to do cos of my crappy results...so i started to run more and more juz to get away and whenever i think of god, my mind will quickly change to sth else...i started to feel as if my life was worthless, i was useless and that i was juz like a pawn pushed around by ppl, believe wat seniors say, and friends' feelings will turn my day off....i started to feel who am i and wat am i doing here in this world...then everything change this yr twhen i was placed in tp...i was still haunted by the past exp... so i did not want to have a large grp of friends even though i attracted a lot of attention. ppl i'm closer to is usually my family...hong, andrew...
during 1st three mths...i decided to take on Track and field, in a way try to tell myself that i can make it...so i trained hard...u can ask hong she definitely rememebr...i will be like ruuning and pumping muscles daily...then at that time i also wanted to show myself that i can go against god's will if he wanted me to be failure for life. hen i managed to get top 20 in road run..went for trials and represented the college in x country championships...then think u know right..i fainted....and the thing is i had a weird feeling when i faint....it was as if i entered another dimension and flows of thoughts juz ran through my head...like i know my whole family was there to support me. then i could hear the vs cheering on behind me...then i realise hey teven if my world comes crumbling, there is still ppl out there who cares bout me...so why shd i challenge myself against god... i shd live my life to the fullest insteadto tell u the truth i feel very lucky and even though during 1st three mths i kinda feel as if my life was ruined...i start to feel happy that i was in tp and not any other colleges cos i really love the choir a lot..exp in this choir is very very much better than vs, having u guys around is really a boost to my morale as a president...and i never regret going all the way to make the choir a harmonic place for everyone cos i feel u guys deserve it....unlike vs whr i always feel its pointless to go all out as no one appreciatesthen i the college gave me a chance to go to china which really changed my perspective of life. on view of on life, i start to exp the suffering of ppl on other side of globe. there were many things which left me pondering.i once ask a boy what will he want to do when he grows up. the boy replied that this is his life, frankly ppl are poor and do not have the opportunity to seek better life...but he ended by saying in thier life, poverty is sth they can't run away from but they are still happy. i start to feel that in life, u can't run away from fear or it will follow and haunt u forever.when i came back to singapore, i start to reflect on wat happened to me all this time....read up more on philosophy, talk to more intellectual ppl and suddenly i feel that i'm not alone...in everyone's life, there is sure to be ups and downs and times whr ppl judge their value in ppl's eyes...its juz that we never talk about it...but the truth is half the battle is won if u think about it rather than letting it go cos it shows u cherish your life thats why u ponder over prob like wat if i fail my exam, what if my love one leaves me...i started to feel enlightened and pondered over many questions like with what if and wat if...over the choir i start to feel wat if i was destined to exp hardship in vs so that i will cherish my stay in tp...wat if i was to have prob in friendships druing sec sch so that i can differentaite truly my bez friends from the lot in my life.and i think it applies to the world too.if there wasn't hunger...will ppl know the feeling of being full???if there was no war will ppl enjoy peace we have now....if god did not bring suffering to our loved ones..will we chersih the fact that they have always being there for us...then i start to ask myself the ultimate question..wat if god have bring me through all these so that i will seek to bring joy to ppl.and make a difference to the world and ppl around me.

juz finish 2 section of gp quiz... well realise how laid back i am.. know kinda few of the answers.. hahhaah guess its time to get myself updated. well today day ended late cos of choir.. hiaz if this carries on.. think i gonnna go bonkers. well started the day off with a spinning headache.. went back to slp and woke up round seven.. went to sch and only found out later i missed my photo taking. hmmm the day passed, nth unusual happened... well only during pe... well i hate standing board jumps... that screwed up test will only make me run rounds in NS arghhhh how pass... woah an amazing score of 5 5 5 5 4 0.... ARGGhhhhhhh 0... pathetic is the word to describe it. i wanna pass it man... hoping for a miracle....hope it happens... well the board jump kinda ruin my day... no mood for choir... as usual... was kinda thinking how to improve runs.. u think its possible to hit 4:48?? for 1500... well a respectable timing will be 4:21 but lets don't go to that yeah. so here i'm again... dilemma... sometimes i really think i fuck it a ll up siah... my life man..only encouraging things are things from warrick... well i kinda agree with him that i shdn't care wat ppl say as long as i feel wat i do is right. think of it... pppl in track, mrs bandabas... mr chew have been very encouraging, they know the position i'm in.. how badly i wanna run but tied down by other stuff... well kinda sometimes wish the choir will spare this little little thought for me sometimes.. well i never hear encouraging things from choir... only wet blankets. want ex.. i can give some... when i wanna go china last yr for community service... nelson says no cos i needa be there for choir. come on comp in dec and come for practice in june when preparing for some concert=no link???and when i wanna run sport day.. wat jh says," hiyah run already still lose," wat a bitch. and like yes.. spread that": hmmm why never consider steven as bf... cos he lacks sth" well like u gals are not my kind... so loud, always chating like some bimbo.... of course i won't go near lah thEEHHE.. but thats the sidepointwell maybe i have responsibilies as a president, but don't wanna outweigh responsibilities over my own wants this time round. well kinda selfish but then its my future.. its my life. i wanna serve the military when i grow up.. not sing my whole life through... needa be fit.. need to build confidence... well even if i don't hit 4.21, i need to know i have wat it takes to run.. well will remember wat mr chew tells me... have the stamina but no endurance.. well the road ahead is tough, rough, and i know will come to a point i have to make personal sacrifices.. well juz hope that i ;pull through it... well finally healed a shin splint.. i feel the burn to run already.... sometimes i kinda wonder whether there is such a thing called god. i kinda beleieve only in myself cos i juz regret in the past, i choose to believe that wat ever path is open for me, its one that has been decided by god.. well thats bullshit... i belive there is other roads to venture... i want to have control over my life... well how i lost confidence in god.. care to read my next entry.

the week come and pass quickly... tues was syf and a pleasant surprise that we manage to get to finals... and today. i bag the 800m race 3rd award. well i wouldn't day i did very well cos i was slacking throughout the race.... i won't say i did badly either cos for someone who haven't being training for one week, never run 800m race before and am injured and not supposed to run... think its quite impressive alreeady.. woah... 2min 25sec, will always remember that timing... haha..kinda sad actually that my so called career in track is gonna stop here.. haiz after dragging dragging for so long, think its time to put away track and conc on my studies and choir. w4ellhad lots of fond memories in track... its here that i made so many good friends which i'm confident will last a lifetime. well perhaps its the training we went together and all the crap we say which bond us together. the first person who come into my mind will be andrew... well hahah our first impression of each other was really bad, he thinks i'm an act smart ass and i felt he was a ge4 sei3 kia hhaha. well but in the end we really bond well together.. like wat he says... our 3 mths of knowing each other is equilvalent to 4 yrs of knowing one another. 2 nd person i know.... was jinsheng. woah my fave senior one i will call friend... taught me pool and was my training partner for well around a yr???hahah we are really slack, remember during our training intervals, we will run 200m in 32 sec which is damn slack... then our 1500 we do in 5min34sec..haahah... is that bad or wat. and all the vulgarities.. i swear it will out beat anyone. 3rd person woah was ling li.. hey first time saw her wah really pretty, but thoght she attitude one.. like that kind never talk to guys hahaha ... now always make fun of her head too big or she very aunty....but then thought wrong.. well we now run to east coast park every sun hahahaah quite fun lah actually to run with a gal beside u. 4rd person... hmm alvin... hahaha sometimes he like dope siah... his fave phrase: i don't care bout anything so long i'm happy" well to most it sounds superficial..but it kinda make sense someimes don't u think. well then there is ivor. who can forget him siah.. woah never knew i could clique so well with him man... i mean first time saw him thought he very sia lan.. then nowwe are like damn good buds.. and really learn a lot of stuff from him both mental, physical , hey no there is also spiritual. hahha. who can forget he was the one who told me i got coordination prob and stuff. .and this yr... who can forget the 3 gals dapnae, hui li and sara the three track angels hahaah... well kinda remember the sars period cos its because of that scare which made us closer... while ppl were staying at home... we went out everyday, either to ivor's house, smell rabbit pee at jin's house or juz simply slack around.. our fave hobby.waoh looks like there is a story behind every friend i make in track for ,me man. really life wouldn't be the same without track

hey its wed... argh so much work to do... but then if i don't write these stuff down.. i kinda afraid will forget soon... and jzu remain de ja vu... anyway yest was syf compettition... well manage to get into finals... well it might be big thing to many ppl and the college.. but i wonder why of all ppl.... me the president not feeling the glamour and stuff.
well i kept thinkig back bout the past and its kinda flash back memory once again when i saw jia hui.. and the rest of the familiar faces of the vj choir. i kinda think... well i miss singing with them and i had the chance to but i forgo it. sometimes in life... i kinda wonder whether i made the correct choices. i kinda regret sometimes when yah at that point of time... i kinda think the decision i made was the most approperate at that time. but then who knows???sigh... some ppl are lucky to have choices while some juz have to live by wat they have. some ppl are borned rich some are borned to work on farms... some work hard and at the end of it they fail while some are able to do well even without much effort.. to some, and including myself.. i kinda think there are pros and con in both ways... well perhaps u don't get the reward u want at the end of wat u fight for.. well but don't u think that by fighting for it in the first place.. u have made a commitment and u have tried your bez... so u already are a winner in your own right.i always remember this saying, the wild gives u dreams and challenges a shelter does not. welll kinda true don't u think? if we were borned with a silver spoon in our mouth, we will always depend on someone else for our survival... fish for a man, he might only live for a day... teach him how to fish... he wil live forever... if a rich fart does not learn how to make his own money.. one day his resources run out.. he will have to start running and panicking to find money soon.
well i wonder whether i have choices... sometimes i juz feel i made the wrong choice. well like now... i wonder its right to sarcrifice mixing with the choir for other stuff which are more of a priority to my life. well wat sytrike me to write bout this is the remark made by a fat oily ball at the food court yest. well i won't wanna hate him for that since he is already gone... but then that comment juz kinda stay in my head like a parasite. well he says," steven., always the first to go" well i wanna scold a vulgarity now but then i wanna keep this site clean for family viewing and cos its not worth my anger... well yah that guy is childish.. shdn't put into mind.. come on i feel he makes decision without rational thinking which is so dumb. he doesn't wanna go to vj or aj cos he is pissed with the conductor...kinda stupid thats wat i think. i mean your whole life isn't all bout choir, why jeopadise your studies.well and now when he know that in vj those who weren;t there in 1st 3 mths have a chance to sing in finals.. i can juz juz feel the regret in him.. well kinda pity him in that sense in some way... well at this age.. its kinda hard for teenagers going through such stuff like making choices.. i mean i keep feeling i make worng choices..
choices, choices choices,, without them life is a bore.. with them it makes life more complicated than it already is. well i kinda feel that my character is so diff from the rest of the members.. hey its not as if i can't mix as i';m so sociable... but then the way the choir functions and how i feel it shd be done is so diff...
first of all this choir lacks discipline... they kinda switch off every now and then.... then the ppl never plan ahead.. i think their only goal is to see each other during pract.. laugh their way thru and wat to do after choir... wat a goal they have. well i kinda miss singing in a victoria choir.. i mean the culture is so much inclined to my perference. i mean they are the kind that set goals for each pract.. acheive it together as a grp and ends the pract with a thought they have acheive sth. well but then cos for my case now... some are putting so much effort while some are slacking away.. i kinda feel drained already. i doesn't help with the members showing little or no appreciation. so many incidents... well i am not that kind who thinks bout the bad stuff which happens to me.. butthen i wonder why this memory juz linger round... well first when i lost my ph... and i told them.. they juz clap away.. i felt so hurt that time man.. well perhaps cos that ph means a lot to me... the conacts and all the friend's contacts.. most impt is the msgs sent by sweet friends and stuff. well then during my b day.. well perhaps this i say i'm petty, i juz feel sad that they juz give me a fucking pillar greeting which really piss my day off...i really think the gals in the choir are so bimbotic sometimes... perhaps i have been mean and stuff but then i was juz thinking bout such stuff for so long.. i mean i feel so much happier in track.. well and i now think i have a good reason for feeling that way. well my true friends are there.. they know the sad and happy part of me.. we worked hard together... perhaps we doid not win anything but then we tried hard TOGETHER. i kinda miss training and miss them.. and i feel they have really really did a lot for me. juz not to make feel distress in the midle.. not even asking me for anything they juz ask me to follow whr my heart wanna go as they knew i had to priorities my time. well wat great guys they are. well perhaps wat they say is true.. its only when u don;'t see the ppl for a period of time that u think back of the sweet things u have done together. well i feel stress at this pt of time. it doesn't help with napfa next week,, hqhhahahh perhaps even if i fail, i can juz feel the choir laughing at me. i'm sad.. i'm caught in the middle.. i have fallen.

well today is a day to be remembered for many reasons. well kinda enjoyed today ignoring all the tiredness and stuff.. started the day off with a free period... didn't go gym today... instead i was walking from place to place with sam and alas... hmm quite glad that today got to know them better.. nad fate that mrs lee for once couldn't have lessons with us.. saw jason at canteen... how niave i was to think he and janice were still together.. turned out they were not...well explains why she seemed so quiet nowadays.. well but even now.. i still think they are the most loving couple i yet to know... who ever thought it would end up this wey.. haiz life.
well by talking to them...and knowing more bout other guys in my choir... esp their perspective of their life.. well perhaps thats the beauty of having someone u like beside u... but streange isn;t it.... its sometimes easy to come together.. and a promise that it will be forever.. but then perhaps sometimes its not like carrots and peas cos they are place always together till end of time...but in relationship.. anything can happen...say a couple lok good together.. u suddenly hear of a breakup... husband and wife married for 30yrs.. one day u hear them going to the office to get papers signed.. its unpredictable.
well one thing for sure whether it work out or not... i kinda glad that their relationship has made them look at another aspect of their lives.. .well kinda meets me think of the past... how i got into a barely 2 weeks relationship and howa gal like during the dec hols turned into my bez friend... and most vividly.. the gal who i always wanted to call my own...but then i can only admire her from a distance today...well coincidentally... toady supposedly was to be a special day.. why... cos today was the the very day last yr i went out with her-the gal who took me off the ground. i kinda miss her smile... her cute chuckle when she laughs and her sweet sms ... to make top it up... she is sensible and gentle kinda day u wanna wait by her side forever... she was the first gal i ever like... the sweetest and prettiest gal ever... juz her smile melts my heart and i really look forward to the day i call her to be my sweetie pie... she really changed my life forever...and ever. kinda miss that feeling and wonder when i will meet the one.. not despo or anything... i mean kinda believe u have to wait for it to happen...but really... it kinda hurts when u have no one to say your problems to and have the spend the day drinking the problems away.. kinda sucks. well looking back, my relationship never works out cos i'm too busy and gals can't find security in me..can't balme them though... how do u call someone your 2nd half if he is always running and return your sms at strange timing...well i realkly have too much things going on in my life... 2 yrs ago... weighing between responsibilities and love... i chose the former... now seems like i making the similar mistake.. perhaps wat they say is true... at the end of the day... the happiest person is not the person who is most well like by many and successful in many areas... rather he is one who is happy the way he is... poor or quiet the way it is.... but having a loving partner and beautiful family is all that makes the difference in happiness.

my story
it all began when we were slelected for the china trip community service... the first time i saw her... i was woah who is that gal.... u know that kinda feeling... it is still fresh in my memory... it was juz a simple sms at first...the wonders of technology,( argh if only if i did not lose my 8310... the sweet msg were all inside.... )was like "hi there.. i need your particulars and whether u want to take the injection .. pls give mee as soon as possible... thanx...." and juz with that... i replied in a guy's flirtatious manner... yup no prob.. need my help to contact anyone???" i will do anything for a girl...esp for her...and she replied'" thanx for asking but i can manage...thanx for your concern"... with that we started exchanging sms the whole night.. and as usual i was the one who sent the last sms before we slept.. and the next morning while waiting for the bus.. i juz cooly drew the ph from my pocket.. wonder why but i kinda hopping to receive a msg from her...and it was... her morning msg...well maybe its mass send.. but then i kinda like the way i belive it was... and we spent the day smsing each other again... it really make lessons interesting and for first time.. i was alert throughout the day.. who says hp is distractive.. kinda think it keeps u awake.... i never thought of it at first.. i kinda hope it was an infatuation sth which will pass in no time.. but i kinda secretly hope there will be something more to it. then the sat before speech day... during our 2nd meeting... we had dinner ... supposedly bonding session...well it worked for me :) and wonder why it always happen at first meetings don;t u think- we played the truth or dare game.. it was my turn at first.. kinda hope the question will change... it was like who and stuff like that.... and the question they asked not surprisingly "who u think is the prettiest in the group... without hestitation... kinda came naturally,i said her name... and they started talking awaay yah the kind of reaction your friends always give... if wasn't pai sei enough...t he spinning of bottle lead to another red face. wonder why too.. perhaps the wind was strong that day.. the bottle was spinned again and it turned to her... they asked the same question: only who is the most handsome guy of course... i kinda look away from her, picking up the chips but was hoping would be me... and yah like a good old fairy tale with a sweet ending,it was. it really made my day.days after was a smooth sail as i kept thinking bout her in and after lessons... wondering how we will look if we are together... then two weeks later... the grp was gonna watch spiderman.. and wonder why too... me and her couldn't make it... well i saw her online that very night... she juz got my icq... and we were chatting away....i swear i was kinda energized macham likw just eaten a power bar... dual energizer batteries...she first asked... hey wanna go watch star wars with the grp next week... i then replied.. sure... but then not a star wars fan.. i said... hmm but would prefer to watch spidey but they watched already :(... she said her friends watch without her and stuff and i pop the question" "oh serious.,..hahaha finally found someone who haven't watch yet...heee...wanna watch together???"... and woah i can remember her reply," okiez okiez!! yay yay!! can go watch e show ready!! where when??"that is how it all atarted...she pon her pe class while i pon my gp class... we met at 5:45.. hee still remember how choosy i was over my clothes that day.. wanted to look my bez... well even guys have to look good u know....anyway woah she was punctual... the train arrived and i got in... welll even before i got in i saw her face and how she arranged her top and her hair when she saw me.. woah it was really love at first sight. i can even remember her smile that day... and the first thing i said was,'u look very beautiful today' well kinda obiang right.. but do u expect from me... anyway the movie was nice.. but frankly every movie is the same... its juz the person u watch with which makes the diff.... so spiderman was the most brilliant show ever made... kinda wonder how many lovely couples the show broght together.. well i wasn't exactly conc on the film more like stealing glances at the angel next to me and another side of the braining was recking on wat to do later after the film. soon movie ended.. hmmm quick thinking i was, "wanna eat?" of course i expected a yes.. she will never ignore me.....well we ate dinner= more like supper at national library coffee shop. well i say the owner have good taste to put the shop there hee... we ordered fish ball noodles.. it taste good that day with heat and love in the air.. we speaked about everything under the sun and she will always relate back bout her sec sch life..there we were.. 2 17 years old walking down city hall 11pm at night...with cute cuckles and non stop talking as the cars drive past us. i kinda think the night was never so beautiful and kinda hope the clock will juz stop. well soon we reached the doorstep of her house... i wave a relunctant goodbye as i slowly see her walked to her apartment block. i have never been so in love before. this was the first and last time i ever like a gal till so deep. well guess wonderful memories juz have to remain this way huh.

woah how was my day today...well spent much time on choir..quite worried for them and many things...
frankly speaking i don't really care bout the comp... woah wat a thing to be said by the pres... perhaps thats the reason why the choir is getting complacent cos they are not been pushed.sometimes i wonder... authoriative or democractic... hey not going to gp topics ya know but then... relly wondering whether i have chosen the right path to walk from the start... perhaps one thing i learned from andrew is that some old sayings are true to a certain extent.. but there are other implications to it... a good example i love to use is the phrase" let time do its thing" well if everyone thinks that way... there won't be any initiative from ppl... we will all rely on time to do the magic for us which will never happen.on the contary, the phrase" i don't care wat happens as long as i'm happy"..well some ppl land it down heavy as a naive and selfish thinking... but there is much truth to it... i mean i'm very sure there will come a point of time in life whr we have problems with friends and stuff and we start to doubt ourselves due to peer pressure.. well at this time perhaps this phrase makes sense... perhaps it will solve many probs ppl experience in mid life-mid life crisis.
well back track to choir stuff... well i kinda need to evaluate my actions... hmm tmr's pract is kinda impt, but how to bring the light out of everyone that is the question... sometimes i wonder whether to carry out some actions which might not work out.. but hey i'm the president i do the calling.. i keep saying they need to believe in themselves.. perhaps this phrase works in the past but not now... cos many do not know their parts... shocking that they are in syf. well sometimes i wonder will this be the downfall of tp choir... well frankly i don't agree with the idea.. i juz believe only the strongest will sing. perhaps its juz wat i gone through in track training... i mean if u are not a good 400m runner.. u can't expect yourself to be part of the team if your timing is bad... not only athletes.. even laymen knows that.well and in choir... everyone makes a diff... so how can we let a few destroy the harvest of others. well lets juz hope i';m thinking too much.

i kinda impressed with vj and aj today... well they really build up alot since the last time we saw them.. perhpas its cos tp have not improve much in a year... and we can't blame the yr ones... i feel even vj guys are improving as compared to ours... hmm i used to think i will know wat to do when time comes... and just play by the ear... perhaps i'm too complacent too... cos i always perceive myself as the bez president around..if others can do it... i can too.... i kinda use it to give confidence when giving speeches... but on the other hand it leaves behind complancy.. well who can blame me for having such ego... i have been in finals twice... president before of a 2nd choir in singapore.... ahhaah now i'm bragging.
well kinda agree with wat jins says now... that some ppl lead by example while some lead by charisma... ppl who speak well don't usually do their job as well...and its proven no i muz say on its way to be proven.. comparison between old suzie and goh.. hhaha goldfish might seem very bo liao at time and kinda miss suzie's draggy speeche.s... but think of it think goh is more than meets the eye... i'm sure she will reach her forte soon... and if measure short and long term effects, lead by example... intially ppl might not give u the respect.. but if they see the person u are... they have utmost confiednce in u./.. on other hand as mr charismatic.... u might be oh so famous and well like... but kinda point of time u let ytour charisma do the work without yuour actions following behind.. a glaring flaw and u are out.
well at end of the day.. i juz feel as a leader..i am there to serve the members... listens to each individual and smoothen out the edges in their lives. it might only be a idealogy labeled as noble but impossible... but i still wanna make it happen... which is my title for today... sometimes never take heed of the old advice.... as we grow older and realise more and more things are not wat they seem and sometimes kinda feel we have been misled by society... one thing will never change and that is to follow our heart which gives the direction... i know i can make miracles if i want to....well if ask wat will be my proudest moment in choir... i will say my proudest moment will be when everyone works together for the common goal they wanna achieve... i will galdly say out."was i a leader.... no but was serving in a company of leaders." that will really make my day..
song for the day is imagine by john lennon

American History X.The best film ever, it really changed my perspective of things. I am indeed sorry for the things I have done or said in the past. I realize its of no fun anymore, racism isn’t a way of life, it shd never be in us. It just lead to more problems unthinkable in the complex society of ours.
The world is feeled with hatred. Once a clean mother world is now stained with blood and corroded by greed. Honour bleached and values rewritten by wealth. But then there is no way out, the only way to rid the horror of today's society is to stay believe in wat u believe in. The world needs less of one parasite.
The whole thing sucks, the world we live in and how we deal with situations of these days. But yet again, how do we differentiate difference between the past and present. I finally understood some stuff. If god hears this, I want to say I’m sorry for the wrong things I have said in the past, for blaming him for the things which have gone wrong in my life.. cos he has definitely has been kind to me and I thank him for making me the choosen one to go through all the shit in the past, all the sufferings teenagers of my age and environment I live in did not have to go through. i juz am maybe fortuanate to go a route not many will choose to go. Leadership has always being a gift to me and I kinda have to be thankful for that. Wat ever happened in the past, guess I have to forgive but never to forget the lessons I learned. No one can help in bringing me out of this screwed up society except me and only me. I want to live my life better than it already is from now on..and with new assurance in myself and new morals insight.. I am confident of doing well in life, I really am thanks god for always being there and I will bring light to ppl around me with my smiles and the truthful and upright character you have help me to deliver.

my first entry to my blog. well always we muz try something new yeah..think thats my reason for setting up one.woah a week passed... was my 18th birthday last week.. welll i wouldn't say its fantastic, wouldn't label it as bad either. perhaps it did not turn out like the one i had in my dreams whr a pretty gal come up to me with a simple handshake, but shdn't ask for much right... anyway birthday started off with sweet sms from sweet friends... and well receive a sexy linguire from alvin and andrew.. woah nice running vest man... translucent and blue(my fave colour)... wouldn't ask for anything more. and a towel from warrick..hha blue too....2 strikes in one day... hmm as i look through the presents i receive this yr... hahaha kinda think luckily this yr i did not receive any queer presents like multi colour g strings. well perhaps the most out the ordinary g string i received was a bunch of bananas. well came to great use nevertheless for my race the next day.
well kinda think its very funny how we human work. when we were young....say round 4-5... we love to make ourselves sound older... like when relatives ask how old we are.. we proudly say 4+ coming 5 when 4th birthday was only a mth before... and have u ever told someone you were coming 16 when it only gonna happen in 5 yrs time.and i always hear old ppl lying about the age when they are actually older... and as the saying goes," a woman's age after 21 is a secret"....hahah perhaps we only get proud of ourselves when we reach the age of 90 and beyond... well being old helps sometimes.. like playing pool and drinking hahhaha....but then when i reach 18 i kinda had mixed feelings... well i kinda look back on how i spent my 18 yrs of life... well its not long, not short either,... perhpoas i'm proud to say i well live the moments. i kinda hate coming 18 hmm for a silly reason...well perhaps i feel that in 18 yrs... the only thing i haven't done yet is get a girlfriend... hahah never being in a relationship...wonder whether it should be something i shd be proud of... yeah to most 18 means getting to drive car... drink...perhaps earn more of parents' trust and seeing more growth in yourself.. i kinda think it means more responsibilties and decision making... good or bad.. i don;t know... but its something everyone goes through.yah i kinda agree with friends every n day is diff from yester year... i spent this yr singing the day away... well maybe it s gonna be the most boring one ever but yeah... why shd i complain... kcould have been worse.