these few days... i hear of many diff backgrds of ppl... how this guy in my co. use mthly $360 to pay for his motorcycle bill, household and stuff. then the OC story then recently a great bud of mine, he juz found out a few weeks ago his grand aunt has cancer... only a mth to live. well when he told me how he feel and stuff... and looking back on how, many things have happend in many of my friends' ..scary but think of it... life is not all bout enjoying yourself, juz studying and playing soccer. there are more responsibilities at hand. its like time knocking on my door,"hey guess how long u have beeen in this world already." 19 yrs old... at this age many yrs ago, will be old enough to get married... have children. get a job hold a license. now car is out of question since they raise the age requirements, married ppl will think u siao.now at 19, decisions are still made for u, the rd we take are the the route of the norm.. juz 2 days later will be taking my results. sometimes we can't be blamed thinking we are still teenagers growing up. now in army, many a time things are done without thinking. u nv use much of the brain, many a time u let unwanted substances into your head without knowin it. bottomline-we change for better or worse without knowing it.

i always wanted a break, i always felt i badly need one all my life...but that great bud of mine told me its impossible to get wat u want all the time. and something like getting a good deserved break, is like impossible.

well things don't go the way we want most of the time

have u ever have the exp of walking pass the same glass door all your life... weekly... mthly... since young and nv thought anything of it till many yrs later... maybe now and then realised things have changed and u nv noticed it at all. i live in the east all my life... spent great fun times at east, from siglap, east coast park ,katong to parkway. new buildings rise... new eateries like cartel, fish and co conquer the area, parkway wasn't the way it was yesterway. 5th storey used to be fun world whr kid s will plead for $10 worth of tokens to play. i always remember the treat i look forward to during sch hols. march and sept will be $5 worth of tokens, dec and june will be $10 worth. now it has been taken over by hollywood slam... thr isn't a playgd on the roof top anymore.

almost everything in this world change... many of us nv thought of it till maybe yrs later.. only to realise how fast time have passed, but one thing nv change, family and closely knitted friends.

its only natural that you may lose your goals along your way, life may be bitter for long time... but juz a word or a sentence... juz calling your parents unconsiously hearing your mom's cheerful self expressed in words ... 45min spent on ph with a great bud miles away will change this altogether, making your life work all over again.

"u badly want to go OCS is it?"
"yah, trying hard to get in"
"thats good...cos i really want to see u thr, in same platoon siah.. i really miss the good old days whr thr is someone i can count on to hear my troubles."

this gave me a great lot of needed motivation.

our paths may have nv crossed b4, nv have chance to work together... show our leadership together, not even in the same class even though we take the same combi... i lookforward the day it does... hopefully soon. i believe in miracles... it certainly lightened up the path...till today...though shit still does happens... you are always there.. ready to bear the smell and clear it up with me

how hard is it to help plan for a b day if the person is someone impt in your life??? how long will it take if u take time to thank the beautiful ppl in your life b4 u don't have chance to do it anymore.

if life taught me sth.... it is that miracles come in many ways and forms, u juz don't see it coming, ... little little nice things in life are littel miracles which can change your life forever depending on how u use it.

dude... do take care yah... sure hope to meet up one day... anyway i know u can't wait cos u want your b day present right hahahha

haven't been updating this site for a long time... so hows the world today?

juz finished my SIT test and range... wah i really a bobo shooter siah... score 21/36 sux big time. would have 24 if M16 did not IA hhaha but oh well.

wonder why but these few days in camp really tired... have been slacking, haven't been doing OTOT for long time. hahha made a lot of cock friends during SIT test and range think that is the high pt getting to know nicw pips like them. damn crazy la those ppl.... ken, derrick, qi xiong, wei guo, joshua, jason. well back in ptp, i kind of dislike them... i used to ask qi xiong to shut up cos he is always like a mad cock running and shouting at same time.... i call him the old nag... then ken was the slack one la, nv sing always cause our platoon to knock it down, and jason know him from tuition class... i thought he look like a pervert siah but he is far from that.... he is damn nice to his gf.derrick... nv knew he existed. well things changed during field camp and later on... hahah once i misplaced my rifle cleaning kit in the jungle cos of the proning then ken and joshua helped me to comb the area for like 2 hrs... imagine man... walking in the the long grass, germs infested cow dung home so long juz to help me find a fucking 7*12cm bag. then wah was impressed with derrick cos he is damn good in ropes and cooking... and helpful too. wah the rations sucks man not until u know how to make use of each pack. like mixing maggie mee with satay pasta damn power siah. then 5 normal kong guan biscuits can be changed to shiok sponge cake juz by adding water. then ah kow(wei guo) wah this guy is damn funny the wonder his gf is damn corny too... and his relationship is damn corny. his gf only 14 and u shd see how they take couple photo. wah really candid siah.his rs really damn cute one siah. how he chase her,how he spend time with her,"orh she read to me stories loh then i read to her stories then she will fall asleep" then joshua... my bunk mate this guy ah... hahah always smiling one... then fellow pool and dai tee bud... wah always snook me in pool by a few strokes sian~ wah yest he won$27 in tai tee siah... bastard with good hands i lost $16 sad sad.

then well busy with drill com wah lau k these drills are damn easy after picking up but too bad we are not precise enough... kind of think we will lose siah.

well new companies enlist this week... bravo alpha... uasis... whisky... all PTP batch... camp kind of damn packed up now still remember my first day in army... whole camp was damn deserted. aunty in cookhouse faucking nice... give lots of food. now ah the food is like only a thinny weeny bit sucks man... and aunty nv give extra food anymore... well means my co. is the the most lao jiao already. foxtrot psycos siah really mad one... no company ever han ta ta ki 7 times after a route march... do flanking, take down enemies in full battle order. wah fucking hard siah... imagine 20kg on weight on u cos still got the LAW and field pack weigh round 13 kg. wah everytime contact enermy prone always the head knock the LAW... hard to come up again... can die siah. travel from camp to camp in section tatical formation. march 12 km back to capm site cos of a fucking piece of shit. mad is an understatement .

happy valentine day one and all !!!
wah lau i whole day at home no one jio me so sad... watch vcds and more vcds today... afternoon went cycling at east coast.. did a 7km run... wah so many couples at ecp siah... so which mean many pretty gals too.aiyah envy their legs.. mine used to be nicer... now 10 cent twenty cents all over agrhhh....
clearing up all the army stuff now so smelly.... and trying not scratch myself so itchy siah.
wanted to buy flowers but were so ex... $50 for 3 sunflowers. thats crazy. in the end decided to get sth else.... i feel that its dumb to spend such money on valentine...buy flowers, go dinner...spend big bucks for blown up prices... its so casuade(or how to spell it)but wat u know maybe when i get a gf i might end up doing the same thing. but then it all fals back to the same question, do i have wat it takes to be a good bf...then again the famous line
'If I have a million dollars, I would buy a house.
Do I have a million? No.
That's why I don't have a house.
If I have wings, I can fly.
Do I have wings? No.
So I can never fly.
If all the waters are drawn out of Pacific Ocean,
It still can't put off the flame of love between us. Can all
the waters of Pacific Ocean be drawn finished? No.
That's why I don't love u.

it juz crossed by mind...sure u have come across friends who say'if i don't manage to win her heart, i will nv fall in love again till a long long time' and 2 mths later... he like another gal, wow( in tone of jack black) that was long.
and then along come the cheerleading grp who make passing remarks when they see their friends with their the other half and say," they look so good together... i think they will be together till the end of time." hidden lines inbetween,"wat the fuck, how did that bitch be with that guy so long, i'm way more pretty, brainy and stuff and i'm single." well i'm sure each of us has been a fool in love b4... or like me... still a fool of love.i remembered back in sec sch... i had this thought that well even if i'm attached for many yrs.... if one day that gal who i thought i will spend my whole life with decide to break up... i will do so since i love her so and since she is happy, i will be happy too. to me 2004, after 18+yrs from the day of 'manufacture'....i think its an ideal but hard to carry out.why??? beats me... even guru of love, karma sutra are morons in disguise...the only reason why their ideas are sellable is cos they are creative with ans, and ppl who aren't buy them and prqctise them to improve their monotone life or sell the idea as their own to feel gain status. if anyone knows the definite ans, it will be the one above.

love is juz so complex... no right or wrong..unexplainable by sci or other crap. if only u can give an assumption, Then u fit a suitable conclusion.,if the proposed assumption doesn't stand at all, then everything is
just bullshit. if it stands... wah la u ace the love potion.--and bill gates will be love magnet.but he isn't and the world is juz feeled with love sick individuals who are dateless today, wondering wats wrong with them. so it leaves me wondering,aren't gays and les happier.... rejected by society but their love stands... and us, our world is crumbling. so who is the real victor?
well i have been single for like the whole of my life... maybe was attached for 0.000025% of it, kind of used to it, at least i have the freedom to look at gals, run at the beach meeting new friends, pound the sand with my one and only love which will carry on for rest of my life--me.

life is not bout who gets there first, but whether u are happy in the process. in the line of love, love is not bout your heart finding frantically for the right person, fillin up empty space in your heart, its about being happy with wat u are, and one day the right one will show up. is it an ideology, no its a statement of my life. i will rather spend 1 day with someone i really love, who loves me deeply too then spend half my life finding individuals to fill the space in my heart. then maybe one day, i will pen sth this,

If I have one more day to live,
I want to be your boyfriend.
Do I have one more day? No.
Too bad. I can't be your boyfriend...
Not in this life.
If I have wings, I want to fly down from
Paradise just to see you.
Do I have wings? No.
Sadly, I can never see you again.
If all the water are drawn out of the bath-tub, it still can't
put off the flame of love between us. Can all the water in a
bath-tub be drawn off?
Can.
So, yes. I LOVE YOU(poem is adaptation from forwarded email)

naked bodies on the cover showing everything from head to bottom. so upclose till i can almost smell the fragrance of ...-tImbLE k thats lame maybe too much blink 182 mu=sic in the head. juz bought it today, 5 thumbs up. hhhahaha u get the idea. was thinking whether to buy album of blink 182 or 'the darkness'-heard this band b4, neither have i was juz browsing thru but muz admit, he really have unique vvoice range and forsetto...sick of coldplay's floating muffled voice... have a change man!

hhaha let me narrate to u the way i browse thru discs. first i will look at the pict of the album.... see how attractive it is. the next impt step will be to check out how many songs are there in the album.hahah if the disc is $20 i will not spend it on 13 songs and below unless all are my fave which is hard to come across.

so i was deciding betw cranberries compilation, new blink 182 album and the darkness. after choosing btw yes no yes no yes no yes no... i choose a no
no-i will not fall into the circumsation of materialism
no-i will rather spend the money on the vcd crazy beautiful
no-cos my bro will tear my room down if i play this music,l he thinks they are noisy

i ended up staring at the comp right at this moment scanning the cd up and right... hey there is a label saying its an enhance cd...how enhance... wah i was shocked..."u mean the disc can do this and that"wah there's no such thing as vcd anymore, its a dual cd only can be used on the com, is that cool or wat.

going back to camp today... oh well not bad a break lah... did some crazy things... ate to my fill... vomit juz as well haha. well will be off to field camp thiscoming fri... won't be booking out till next weekend... hahah wonder wat will happen to me man... hope the bloody pimples won't pop again arghhhh.
well realised i spent a lot of time on this blog after jia hui say i'm a blog freak. hahah well i admit to it man... i juz got this interest in html nowadays... to create your own design and stuff... it juz give a sense of satisfaction. hahah all thanx to andrew man... the night i stayed over at his house.... he changed my page and stuff... then i was like impressed... 'wah u mean u can do this and that'that was how it all began

well yest i was on a drip the same feeling i had yr ago, 2 yrs ago juz came back again. hate to be on drip man... u know the feeling like u can't stand on your legs... your life juz flash pass u.. feeling sucks. well do u believ that some things juz meant to happen or do u think that cos it happened and by human 1st reaction of comforting yourself, u juz tell yourself the event u went thru juz meant to take place?in either way... its cos of these things which left me thinking. spent 2 hrs slping in the hospital with mom by my side... 2 hrs whr i was in 2 ends of life... hell and inner peace. hell cos patients beside me were coughing... screaming and stuff, i hate the feeling of being on a drip... at the same time it juz left me thinking... kind of like in the same line as 'if u have juz 1hr left on this world, who will u be with, show appreciation to.'

mom:cos she always being thr for me, everytime i am on a drip, go clinic hospital, she's more worried for me then i am. seeing her happy face when i'm back every weekend, she is the reason why i take great care in making sure i'm safe and sound, cos i wldn't want her to worry.

dad: he may not tell me how i feel, and i always have to take the initiative to make conversation to him. but as i know him better, the more i admire him for the sacrifices he make for us, ppl close to his heart. his vigilant inner character which i look up to

bro: k i hate to admit i used to hate him in the past... think he is weird and stuff..but ever since gone to army, now and then have conversations with him when i see him ard, i kind of look up to him. though he's a man of few words, his every action gain my admiration. for one he is capt of his dragon boat team, he nv gives my parents prob, don't remember he making my parents worry, unlike me...kind of glad my relationship with him has improved. think of it maybe in the past we were too head strong but as we mature... we learn to give n take.

jin sheng: wat can i say... this guy has always being thr for me with every ups and downs... hit me right on the spot with every vulgar stuff he have on my actions which he doesn't agree on.taught me lots about living in the ugly world, questioning things like trust and friends

ivor: no doubt we kind of drift apart after he got into a relationship... but definitely someone i always look up to and learned a lot from. impt things like being calm at the heat of the moment, not showing fear even when u are afraid... knowing wats impt to u... he taught me all man

andrew: wat can i say..even till today... even when we nv meet up for week...not knowing wats going on in each other's life... still have lots to talk about. make my life a lot sweeter...always remember days in 1st 3 mths, days of studying As together when we spend crazy times in burger king and cafe cartel, studying and talking cock at the same time... serious studying at bedok library...take time to spent last few days with me b4 i went to arm... and of cos our first and only cycling trip in the wee hrs in the morning, i won't be reckless yeah...and many many other things to name. miss those long runs with u man... hope got chance our paths will cross in the army.

celine: well our lives may be diff now... can't be like b4... this gal has taught me lots about innocence... sometimes life is not about how experienced u are... sometimes dealing it with a bright mind of a child makes things easier than they seem. and course its cos of her... As and perlims are so fun to study for...having someone to encourage u... sending daily msg to study and stuff....makes a difference

hong xuan: princess! well k lah she doesn't act like 1.more like its cos nice guys like me and drew always give in to her.'tired leh' k we go her house eat supper...'hungry leh' k we buy nasi lemak for her.but of course, this gal has make my life sweeter in many ways, like sending msg at the right time right moment- b4 my race, when being pres kind of suck, and she lend a ear. msging now n then tickling my funny bones when i'm in army even when its asking for gun powder, bombing my blog, nice surprise when i opened it. being my 'i weekly news', updating me on who is with who, tp food suck now lah hahah

well for these grp of ppl who make my life so smooth sailing..thank you so much. i will be willing to go a dist juz to know u will be happy.want tabolang balls from blk85 no prob man... anyway i am addicted to it!!! ate a record of 18 on sun can u believe it!!!

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